Something I have been thinking about.

As I have stated before, I think it is funny that the only thing certain in life is uncertainty itself. It makes you wonder what will happen next in your life, and how you got to the place where you are today. Little did I know that I would be leading the life that I am today, a year ago. I had goals, I had plans, I had aspirations. Some of them came true, some of them failed miserably. Like that whole working out everyday thing, and volunteering every week at the animal shelter. Yea, those never seemed to actually work out. But here I am, a year later and I am completely happy with my life. Completely satisfied and not really wanting something else for a change. It is nice. Complacent would be a great word.

It's funny, I think, that in one year my life could turn around so much, in one summer even. I have in the past felt so much older a year later than a certain age, but never so much as in this year. It's not that I have done anything significant that has made me feel more grown up, but I guess it is just the responsibilities that I now have, and the way that I lead my life now. Even since the beginning of spring quarter this year, I feel as though I have grown up so much since then. It's funny when on your birthday people ask you if you feel any older. I didn't understand that question until now I think. Maybe next year I will respond with a yes. I should at least, as by that time I should be a college grad and have some sort of direction in my life at the very least. But this year, the only reason I responded with the yes answer was because I was able to finally order myself a drink. But this year, no rules will change, no privileges will be granted, I will just turn twenty two teen. But even just a few months into my 22nd trip around the sun, I feel so much older. I am truly curious about the future when I think back about this time in my life, or even back in this blog, and think, wow, I was really naive back then, or wow, look at how young I was. Curiouser and curiouser.

I also think it's amazing how relationships, be with family members, friends, and significant others, change in the span of a year as well. Thinking back to a year ago today, I was in a place that I truly disliked, mentally and physically. I was trying to change myself, and well, I did. I am so very happy to say that I did it. I returned to being a person that I loved, I returned to being the me that I was and am happy with. And I have lost some friends along the way, some people who brought me down, and brought out a side of me that I didn't love. And I have gained some friends, some amazing people who helped me find once again who I want to be. I have missed some people, and been happy to leave some behind. I think that everyone does come into our lives for a reason, and the people that stay with you are ones that truly are meant to, and the ones that leave us, well maybe they were there for us to learn a thing or two from, but we do not need them in our futures.

And with that, responsibility calls, quite literally, I have to go into work.

'til next time,

XOXO, B

Stress and Excitement

Today has been a hot, beautiful day. I woke up, went to class, went to work, and then went to an interview for an internship, which I got and am very excited about! I have a lot to look forward to this week, and so little time to myself, it's crazy. I really should get around to my homework and studying, but it's just so damn hard when all I do is go, go, go. It's also pretty hard to pay attention in a class taught in a completely different language at 9:30 in the morning. But oh well, I signed up for it, it is just another challenge that I am going to have to overcome myself.

Speaking of challenges, a friend of mine decided to stop smoking cigarettes. I am so freaking proud of him. However, that is one difficult challenge that he is going to have to overcome. I am just so thankful that few of my friends have a smoking addiction, or some other sort of addiction for that matter. It is an ugly thing addiction, and good can rarely come from it. Think about it, even the word addiction doesn't sound appealing. It sounds so clingy, so needy, and so helpless. I have known great people who have suffered from an addiction and lost in the battle. I truly hope that everyone can fight the urge to do something they will become addicted to; and I don't mean just drugs. Gambling, smoking, shooting up, over-working, alcohol, success, money, fame, someone, caffeine, gum. Anything.

Well that was another random rant. Sometimes I like just letting my fingers flow when I get in this sort of mood.

'til next time,

XOXO, B

Happiness

I am sitting here, in my last thirty minutes of freedom before work; which leads to interviews tomorrow morning, more work, and the second session of summer school; watching The Notebook. It is such a phenomenal movie. Not many guys can see it and think it is amazing, luckily for me though, I found one that does.

Anyways, this movie just makes me happy, and happy that that type of love exists. I have previously written very anti-love posts, and I am here today to formally say that I am sorry for baggin on love, because it came back and kicked my butt in the fight. I think it can take one bad seed to ruin someone. Maybe not completely, but maybe ruin their views, their opportunity, their openness to something. And once that person has ruined it, it takes a long time for someone completely special to come and turn it all around. Every time we are hurt by someone, by love, we build our wall a little higher, and for me, my wall was beginning to look like the empire state building. But then, just to be as cheesy as I possibly can be, love came around and knocked it down. I am very happy, and I just wanted to write a little somethin about my happiness in here.

'til next time,

XOXO, B