When fall just comes and goes...

Life moves pretty fast, doesn't it? With all of the seasons remaining the same, the only thing that is truly changing besides the weather, is us. I don't know how time passes the way that it does, all that I know is that life never truly stops. I posted on my facebook the other day a quote that I myself created, and it truly says what I was feeling, so I am going to post it on here too.

"If you can look back at all the lies you believed, at all the mistakes you've made, at all the things you once regretted with a smile and a slight chuckle; then my friend, you have grown."

I think I am growing up. I don't know why or how, but I think that I am. But then again, I think back to the way that I was back in high school, and I feel like that was a huge part of my childhood, and that now I am just experiencing teenaged ideas. Who knows. Maybe my view of teenager ideas is truly adult ideas. Perhaps.

I think that I am just confused because I still don't know what I want to do when I "grow up." Perhaps we don't know until we are there and look around, smell the air and realize it isn't too bad. Too many times I have heard people talk about their lives and somehow wished that they had done something else. Maybe I will take their advice and not just settle.

Until then, I have the most important final of my life to worry about and the closing shift at work tonight.

'til next time,

XOXO, B

Summer Time

I have not signed on this hot mess of a blog in quite some time...

So much has happened in life... and since my last few blog posts, I must say, some things have happened in my life that I am not too proud about. I made some mistakes with boys... quite a few expensive mistakes. I have been in a car with an insanely drunk driver, and he ended up getting a DUI... and then I ended up getting an underage drinking ticket in Wisconsin. Luckily for me, they do not tie underage drinking with an MIP. Thank goodness. I learned some lessons.

I have had a great summer altogether though. I am trying to turn myself around a little bit. SO far I think I have. :-)

Now my summer has been filled with some amazing memories, so I am going to dive into some of those...

I went to Wisconsin for 6 days with my Grama, Uncle and Mom. It was such a blast. I really think I could go live out there. I loved it. COWS were amazing, and besides that bad ending one night, I had a blast meeting my amazing cousins, in particular, Katie. She is awesome and one of my new favorite people. There are some older folk I met that I will never forget. Rest in Peace John Hoffland, who passed away 2 weeks after I met him with a sudden heart attack. I actually got to milk my first cow while I was there, thanks to Jennie! And I played with baby cows, and met one that was born the day before. It was beautiful. I also got a kiss from a cow... yum.

Since I have been back from that trip, I have been spending all my money and time with my friends. I love them so much. I was able to catch up with many of them, and continue all the fun we left of with. I went to the Del Mar Fair with my closest friends, and sang with Shauni, recording "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" and having our voices heard throughout the tent drew up a large crowd... so fun. Kelsey and I did our favorite slides, and Shauni and I rode a crazy fun ride. 

I went to the Drive In with my FOO, and have hung out with her a few times and had some crazy shenannigans occur. Including almost getting a tattoo... maybe someday soon. :-)

Neal came from NY with his friend Alex, and we had a great time on the 4th of July!

I threw my first party without my parents being home, and it was quite a success. Yay!!! Jacuzzi time with the friends... which must happen again... and soon.

Shauni and I went up to Fullerton randomly one night, after meeting Ally's nice boyfriend, Michael. We went to Club Lucky and got in for free. Sweet. And then I got into a verbal argument with a fairy and had an amazing time. 

I have gone to SeaWorld with Luis twice now. Both times were awesome. We went together just a few days ago and got a shout out at the Dolphin show from my great friend BJ, we went on a tour around the behind the scenes area of Pets, we got to play with Sora. Rode Abby's Sea Star Spin, Shipwrecked Rapids, and JTA. Yay! We saw the fireworks on JTA... how awesome. 

And last night, Brad and I went to Petco Park for the Padre game, which they won! Crazy drunkards were all around us, and Luis caught a foul ball in our section... WHAT!? I missed a tossed ball by 1 ft to some mean old lady. So much random fun. Oh and I drank my first beer at a restaurant that I ordered by myself. Yay DICKS!

So much more has happened, but I don't feel like typing any longer. Must go eat breakfast and plan out my week. 

'til next time, 

XOXO, B

Chasing a Ghost...

Well, I am finally through with the awful thing known as finals. FINALLY. I had the most horrible week of my life this past week, and I am just waiting to rise back up. As a friend said, there is nowhere to go but up. I believe him. Especially after hitting rock bottom. To be as completely vague, yet detailed as I want to be, I will say that finals were very difficult, I was disrespected greatly by someone whom I thought was there for me, I did not get the most wonderful job in the world back, and I lost someone dear to my heart. For all of that to hit one person in one week is enough to drive them to their brink. I somehow stayed afloat. Not without tears. But somehow, without the social lubricant, I could not bring myself to cry. Sometimes it is too hard to cry. It is accepting that something has happened. It is breaking down. Sometimes, you cannot break down because you are someone else's rock. And what good is a rock if it crumbles? But every rock can crumble if pressured enough, and I finally was. I lost it on Saturday, and then again yesterday at Mil's funeral. May he please rest in peace. I am going to enjoy the rest of my spring break, I have decided. I have also decided to get a tattoo with my best friend. Inspired and dedicated partially to the memory of Mil. I am excited for that. Our generation is one of self expression, and I am proud to be a part of it. I think I have written enough for one night.

'til next time, 

XOXO B

Sweet aroma of my 3rd home...

I am sitting in here, and when I say here, I mean in the restaurant in which I work. I seem to never get away. As much as I wanted to make my own dinner tonight and not eat here again, I failed, and crumbled, and came anyways. At least I have the excuse that the internet isn't working at my house. I would say that is a pretty darn decent excuse. I had math homework that needed to be completed on the internet, and therefore I would have ended up here anyway. Yay. As much as people hate work, and as much as it seems to be an inconvenience a lot, I seem to find joy in it. And with my night off, I am doing schoolwork in a lovely corner of this most fantastic restaurant where I work. I suppose work is my little getaway. Anywho, I have a load of homework to do, but I just cannot seem to focus. I just want to sit here and type out my feelings all night. I seriously wonder what it will be like to look back at this blog, if I even remember it, in a few years, and see what I was thinking, or at least try to decipher what my brain was doing when I was writing these blog entries. 

My frustration tonight, as usual with any young girl, is in the boy department. I don't know how badly I hurt one boy, and I don't know how much one knows he hurt me by a subtle action tonight. Stupid, stupid boys. I don't think I will ever understand. 

I finished reading Breaking Dawn, and I must say, it was quite magnificent. I am SO sad it is all finished. :-( Ah well, tis life. 

There are people to be called, a restroom to be visited, and many pages to be read, so without further ado, I must leave.

'til next time, 

XOXO B

A feather ruffling in the wind...

I like to read books. Yes, books that often times do not have pictures. I like to envision the different characters that make my mind race, and picture places that are not entirely a part of this world. Just think about the endless possibilities the imagination has that is too often limited by the ability of a hand. The imagination paints much better pictures than any artist ever will.

'til next time,

XOXO B

A Walk Down Memory Lane.

Tonight, after slightly being criticized for having a blog, I was reminded of the fad of Xanga, and realized that I had definitely had a blog before. I went back and read all of the posts, which were much more numerous than I had assumed them to be. So these are two blurbs that I had posted in my Xanga almost 4 years ago and I thought I would transfer some over to my new blog.  I found this first one to be ironic, especially because of the ending that looks very similar to the ending of my most recent blog post. Funny how so much can change within four years, but some things remain the same. Enjoy!

"Well, a LOT has happened, but it's the past so why worry about it? It's the present right now... so get off your sorry ass and do something about it, make every day worth living, and remembering. And forget what things happened two weeks ago, two days ago, last night. Just move on... That's when you will find pure happiness. When you can just be yourself in the present and not live everyday in yesterday. Well there is my philosophical blurb for today. Learn to love yours! Have a Great Day! Cya cool cats later!"

Written: May 15, 2005

"Those special moments, where our eyes met, for a few seconds, we looked away, and then looked back and smiled genuinely...I will never forget them..."

Written: January 29, 2005. 

'til next time,

XOXO B

Skankin' to That Music They Play

I completely forgot I had started a blog, but then again, who really cares? I have no followers, yet. But I guess this is just my place to escape, to be who I want to be, and to say what I want to say. At least it's not just a little diary like I used to keep. I actually came across some of those this past summer, and I was a very dark little girl, despite by extremely sunny exterior. Strange. Anyways, I am as usual on the brink of another dark and looming test, but for the time being, I am not too worried about it. Ask me about it tomorrow, and I will be going crazy. Ha. 

So last night I watched Slumdog Millionaire. Although I thought it was a good movie, I definitely did not think that it was "Best Picture" worthy. Best Picture material, sure. But I definitely believe that Milk should have won. I haven't seen any of the others, so I am a bit biased, but Milk at least covered something that pulled at a lot of our heartstrings. Those who have a heart at least. Anywho, I definitely think that Sean Penn's speech was great.

I am seriously just kickin back, enjoying another beautiful day indoors, two blocks from the beach, where I am sure the sunset was unbelievable. Maybe if I actually try this week, I can catch one of those spectacular things. One of my favorite things. Sunsets always remind me that no matter how bad your day has been, somewhere else in the world someone is getting a brand new start, and they will feel the same way when the sun sets for them. 

Enough with the philosophical gobbledy gook. I have some spanish to attend to.

'til next time,

XOXO B

Perfectly Awkward

I am sitting here, completely living off of a caffeine high that I am hoping will last the whole night. I have a HUGE test tomorrow, and I really doubt I will do as well as I am hoping I will. I suppose that's what comes with no studying, no reading, no listening. 

Well, today was just another day. I love my new bicycle. My dad wants to call it Cinnabon, and my Mom wants to call it Coco Chanel. I think I will go with Daddy's decision, although Coco Chanel sounds more sheek, I just like how my dad came up with a name like Cinnabon. :-) 

I am just so tired, and I cannot wait until tomorrow after Psych. I really just want this wave of midterms to be over! Doesn't everyone though?

I cannot wait until this weekend.  Isn't this time of year just awkward? S.A.D. (Singles Awareness Day) is coming up, and I am sort of taken. I am quite happy with that.

Anyways, I don't have much to say except that I really enjoy KT Tunstall's Throw Me a Rope because it is a perfectly awkward song for a perfectly awkward feeling. It really describes how I feel today.

'til next time, 

XOXO B

Sunday Morning...

Rain was falling, for the past two days. I am not sure exactly how I want to start out my blog, but I will just use the status that I have put up on my FaceBook for the time being...

Words cannot describe the emotion floating over me, resting there like a poignant cloud waiting to drown out my thoughts and feelings. 

Hmmm pretty darn deep for being created last night around one.

Today is a new day, and for the time being, I am going to get ready and then spend a luxurious day with my family, who came all this way to be with me. 

'til next time, 

XOXO B