Day 12- 60 Day Challenge

A picture of what you love.

My family.

Day 11- 60 Day Challenge

A picture of the thing you hate.

Day 10-60 Day Challenge

The person I do the most messed up stuff with.

More like the person I know who does the most messed up stuff. I love you brudda.

Pattern of the Seasons

I have been thinking about my college experience this morning, and looking back at these extremely fast and wonderful past four years of my life. I cannot believe that in less than four months time, this whole experience will be drawing to a close. I am feeling a little bit more confident about being thrown into the real world, which is odd because I honestly have no idea where or what I will be doing still. I have applied to a few random places, and have gotten a few calls, but nothing too concrete yet. But maybe it's that I have been getting those calls, and doing well in school despite it being my busiest quarter ever, that I now have the confidence I need to take my first few steps out into reality. I am entering my independence phase.

Looking back at these past four years, I have noticed a pattern.

Summers have been fun and like a dream, with little responsibility, and doing whatever I please, whenever I please. That is most likely why summer has always been my favorite season. Summer is fun.

Fall has been the new and exciting time when the school year changes, houses change, people and places change, and my attitude for the year ahead adjusts. Fall is still slightly carefree like the summer, and it's football season so that's always fun.

Fall is change.

Winter, with the drop in temperature, the wind and rain, has always been a time of reflection. It's Christmas time, and time with family and friends. It is going out and dressing up, going to dinners, and being with people that bring you back to reality, and bring you back to your norm. Winter is regression.

Spring has been the time of taking control, learning what I can and cannot do. Spring is the time of my life when I become severely independent and try to make changes that will last throughout the year. Spring is when I clear all of the fun and memories out of my system and figure out my new self. My new age, maturity, and my new goals in life.

Spring is independence.

Summer is fun. Fall is change. Winter is regression. Spring is independence.

This has been my pattern for the past four years.

It makes me wonder, am I the only one with this pattern? Does everyone or anyone else go through behavior shifts with the seasons as I do? And when I don't have a school year to revolve my life around anymore, will these phases still occur?

Just a thought.

'til next time,

XOXO, B

Day 9- 60 Day Challenge

The person that has gotten me through the most.

My "sister" Jess. Toodle Bird has been there for me since the first few weeks of college, and has seen me grow up the most out of anybody. Every little trial and triumph she has been there to help me wipe my tears or give me a pat on the back. I am very lucky to have found my gemini sister in this huge crazy world, because without her help, I wouldn't be who I am today.

Day 8- 60 Day Challenge

A picture that makes me laugh.

The Narf- Narf face. Originated in 2008. Must make a return.

Day 7- 60 Day Challenge

My most treasured item:

My Sucky Pillow.

I have had the sucky pillow since I was a baby. No, I didn't used to suck on it, and no it doesn't suck. I really don't know why it got that name, but it did. And yes, it used to be the size of a regular throw pillow. I have worn it down in my 21 years, but I prize it more than anything else I own. It is my stress reliever and has always been there for me when I needed it most. Yes, I am 21 and still sleep with a pillow I have had as a child. And you know what? I love it.

Day 6- 60 Day Challenge

I would like to trade places, for a day, with my idol, Marilyn Monroe, back in her hay-day. I bet it was everything fabulous and so much more.

Day 5- 60 Day Challenge

Favorite (most recent) Memory:

Disneyland with my man.

Vegas with my 'rettes.

Day 4- 60 Day Challenge

My night tonight/ typical night:

Closing at work.

My night last night- much more interesting:

Ate at my new favorite restaurant- AJ Spurs- Thank you, babe! And watched the A-Team

Day 3- 60 Day Challenge

BOY MEETS WORLD

Obviously the best show to have ever graced the TV screen.

I miss this show so much, and I know a bunch of people do. And Disney won't put all of the seasons out on DVD because they are LAME. I want me some more Shawn and Fe-he-he-he-eeny. I miss you Boy Meets World, please come back.

Day 2- 60 Day Challenge

This is my best friend Shauni. I call her S. She has been the person that I have been closest to the longest. This girl has had my back since the beginning of high school. Our friendship started out like a cliche love story. Like When Harry met Sally, with me meeting her very early on (when we were 11) and then not being able to stand her when we first got to high school, and then slowly but surely we became best friends and it has stayed that way ever since. I don't know what I would do without her. I wish we could live closer now, and talk more often, but I know she is always there for me. Our duets, on and off-key, our sleepovers, and our random, fun adventures have always been some of my favorite memories, and I know with her there will be many more. I love you S!!!

And just to cheat on this one, I am adding a picture of the group of people I have been closest to longest:


These are My Cougarettes. These ladies, as a group and individually, have been the people that I have been privileged enough to call my best friends for a combined over 10 years. Scary to say that, but I have known some of these ladies since we were 10. They are irreplaceable. They are priceless. They are my favorites and I could not envision being the person I am today without them. No matter how much time passes in between our visits or phone calls, we can always pick up from where we left off and nothing seems different. I love you ladies with all my heart.

Day 1- 60 Day Challenge

Fifteen Facts about ME:

1. I love reading Cosmo and have had a subscription for almost 2 years now.

2. I am obsessed with dogs, and I refer to them as puppies no matter their age. Yellow Labs are the best. Scout!!!

3. I am really trying to learn how to cook. I recently mastered poaching eggs, which I just ate.

4. I think that I relate to Carrie the most in Sex and the City, and she is my inspiration for writing this blog. I also seem to surround myself with a lot of Samantha's.

5. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

6. My favorite food is cheese, closely tied with chocolate.

7. I just saw a commercial for BlackPeopleMeet.com and am laughing out loud by myself.

8. My favorite Disney character is Belle, second is Eeyore.

9. I was a show host at SeaWorld, San Diego. Pets Rule!

10. The Chargers are the best team in the NFL.

11. I stuck a sunflower seed up my nose when I was little and had to go to the ER, then proceeded to sneeze it out before they did anything to me.

12. I love to sing and to perform, but I haven't done it in a long time...only in my car.

13. My "sister" and I were born on the same day. Gemini!!!

14. This summer I fell in love with someone further than I ever thought possible, and continue falling in love with him every single day.

15. I love counting Pelicans as they fly over the beach with my mommy.

Contemplating...

Should I do the 60 Day Challenge? What are your thoughts?

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.
Day 31 - A picture of a tradition you have.
Day 32 - A picture of a crazy night.
Day 33 - A picture of the house you grew up in.
Day 34 - A picture of your currently most played CD.
Day 35 - A picture of your favorite place to eat.
Day 36 - A picture of your ‘other half'.
Day 37 - A picture of the people you spend most of your time with.
Day 38 - A picture of the best part of your day.
Day 39 - A picture of your favorite movie.
Day 40 - A picture of your favorite Disney character.
Day 41 - A picture of your pet.
Day 42 - A picture of your dream house.
Day 43 - A picture of something you can’t function without.
Day 44 - A picture of someone you’re told you look like.
Day 45 - A picture of your room.
Day 46 - A picture of where you wish you were right now.
Day 47 - A picture of your favorite place to shop.
Day 48 - A picture of your favorite actress/actor.
Day 49 - A picture of where you live.
Day 50 - A picture of your most frequented place.
Day 51 - A picture of your dream car.
Day 52 - A picture of your favorite sport.
Day 53 - A picture of someone you think is hot.
Day 54 - A picture of the one thing you would bring if you were stranded on a deserted island.
Day 55 - A picture of the last movie you saw in theaters.
Day 56 - A picture of something that makes you happy.
Day 57 - A picture of your favorite holiday.
Day 58 - A picture of your favorite animal.
Day 59 - A picture of a random item that you own.
Day 60 - A picture of something you’re excited about

The calm before the storm.

On the way back up to my second home on Monday, I was driving on the most beautiful highway in America, and I looked to my left to observe the beautiful ocean and beaches on the California coast. It was, however, a very cloudy day with the threat of a storm lurking at any moment. When I looked out to my left, instead of seeing the blue ocean, and the blaring sun, I saw an endless sea of gray. But it was much more than that. It was a scary, looming, daunting, and never ending. The water, which is usually joyous, coming and going, was as still as I have ever seen it. The place that is home to the largest amount of creatures was deathly still. It was unnerving. I had never personally witnessed the calm before the storm. I had heard the phrase numerous times, and used it a few times myself. But to see it, that was something else. It was eerie, but also very interesting. It made me wonder, is there always a calm before the storm? Are we always calm right before something happens? Maybe it’s because of the calm that something bad happens. Maybe we let our guards down and just relax, and then don’t read the signs when a storm is coming our way. I would like to think that this isn’t the case, because always having your guard up can be extremely tiring, and taxing on a person’s happiness. I would also like to think that maybe the storm isn’t something bad. Maybe a storm is something that is a disruption into our everyday lives that we can end up benefiting from in the end. Just a thought.

‘til next time,

XOXO, B

Sharing lunch with a Seagull.

Today, on the Today Show, I was watching a segment about how stressed kids are today. A study by UCLA has said that 52% of freshman have reported feeling good and in good health. This is lower than this study, that is run every year, has ever been. Some of the side effects of stress are: HEADACHES, Nausea, Stomachaches, SWEATY/SHAKY HANDS, & FREQUENT COLDS. I am already diagnosed with "Stress Induced Over-Production of Acid" aka, Stress Induced Acid Reflux. And after watching this segment, I realized that my frequent headaches, sweaty hands, and frequent colds could all be related to the stress I have everyday. My boyfriend has been getting increasingly worried about my headaches that I seem to be getting everyday now, and I am very relieved to find out that these can be triggered by stress. I am a victim of this over-stressed generation and am suffering from the side effects. Awesome. But at least there may be ways for me to counter it, by just adding a few de-stressing rituals into my routine. (And yes, I say rituals, because with a slight case of OCD, things that I do frequently become rituals.)

On to the title of this post. The other day, in the midst of being over stressed and having three midterms in two days, I just left the library and went to the beach. I was so happy to have done this, and laid in the sand, sans towel, letting the sun soak up some of my stress, and the sound of the waves lull me to sleep for a few minutes. After this experience, I decided that it would be a great thing for me to do every Monday and Wednesday during my break from classes. The ease and peace that I felt down there was incredible. I also realized how lucky I was to attend a school that has their own beautiful beach one minute away from campus.

So, I took my own advice and went down to the beach again on Wednesday. This time though, I came prepared with a chilled Pesto Pasta Salad that I had purchased on campus, and a water. I was laying on the beach, yet again sans towel... which I think I prefer now... and reading a novel for my class, listening to the waves, and eating my delicious lunch. I was really into the novel that I was reading, and then I heard something right next to me. Startled, I turned around very quickly, and replied to the seagull that had crept up and scared me so much, "WTF are you doing?!" The seagull took two steps back, and just looked at me with it's head tilted. After a little, I laid back down a little, but still watched this courageous little seagull, and watched it run up very close to me and grab a piece of pasta I had dropped. I was so amused by it's bravery, so of course started playing with it seeing if it would come up closer to me. We played like this for a few minutes, and eventually he got within six inches of me. After I decided enough pasta had graced this seagull's belly, I put the top back on my lunch. The seagull then proceeded to peck at the box. I was very, very amused. This little seagull made me so happy, and totally unstressed. I never thought that I would share my lunch with a seagull, but I am so happy I did. I guess it's the little things. But I do owe that seagull a big thank you for making my laugh and realize that even just with an hour down at the beach, a lot of my stress can just disappear.

So, for all of you over-stressed individuals who are reading this, please take my advice... Take an hour, a few times a week, to just go "lay on the beach." Find your beach, figurative or literal, find your relaxation, and just GO. It will make you happier and healthier if you take an hour or 30 minutes out of your crazy, stressful schedule to just go breathe and feel the "sand" between your toes.

Why cry?

There is no biological need to cry. Psychologically the act of crying is, as of now, thought to be an act of perceiving one's helplessness. Sometimes it can be caused by pain, an onset of tears following an act so surprising and painful. But most times, it is due to an emotional state. Whether it's happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, or joy. Humans, so far, have been the only species to cry. It is often said by people that after crying they feel a lot better, and this has something to do with a hormone related to stress that leaves with peoples tears. So crying, for humans at least, seems to be somewhat of a norm, and can be somewhat helpful.

So why then, do I hate when I cry? Why do I hide it from people, and have only shown very few people my face while crying? Why do I feel ashamed to cry? And weak?

Growing up I only saw my father cry a few times, and each of those times were really jarring. And my mother, well I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I saw her cry too. Crying, in my family, is just not something we do. I have never found it attractive when a man cries, more so that it is unattractive and a sign of weakness. Girls crying doesn't phase me at all. Sexism I suppose. But, I am a girl. I cry. But I am ashamed to. It's weak, it's beyond weak, it's perceiving some sort of helplessness. I hate crying. Tearing up at a good movie, or at the end of The Notebook, that's different to me. At a funeral, or after a break up, those are different too. But full on crying, because you cannot comprehend the emotions that you have, you cannot feel anything other than helplessness, that, THAT, to me is something to be embarrassed about.

Believe me, I have cried. I have sobbed. I have needed a tissue so badly that I was forced to snot all over my sleeve. I did that tonight. Something shook me so much that I felt helpless and all I could do was cry. And now, I am embarrassed. I am embarrassed that I had to cry and have someone tell me that it will be alright. I am embarrassed that I couldn't be mature enough to figure out things without opening up the floodgates of my eyes. I am embarrassed that I had to cry and could not hold my stuff together enough to get through one phone call so that I wouldn't drag the person I loved into my own little pity party.

It's hard not to cry sometimes, though. Once you have figured out that you are helpless against your own emotions, that you cannot even think one more thought without those dreaded floodgates of emotion pouring down your face. Once you have figured out that you are about to cry, it is extremely difficult to stop. And then those pesky little tears, the ones that you have held off for so long, come streaming down your cheeks, burning like a flame on a gasoline trail. And then you can't stop. Once you have let those floodgates open, there is no shutting them until all the emotion you have piled up behind them have flooded down your face, and left you standing in a pool of shame.

I hate crying. I hate the embarrassment. I hate the realization of helplessness. I hate the emotion. And I hate that no matter how hard I try, sometimes those evil floodgates burst open and will not shut until I have embarrassed myself so much, until I feel so helpless, crying again seems like the only option.

'til next time,

XOXO, B