Chasing a Ghost...

Well, I am finally through with the awful thing known as finals. FINALLY. I had the most horrible week of my life this past week, and I am just waiting to rise back up. As a friend said, there is nowhere to go but up. I believe him. Especially after hitting rock bottom. To be as completely vague, yet detailed as I want to be, I will say that finals were very difficult, I was disrespected greatly by someone whom I thought was there for me, I did not get the most wonderful job in the world back, and I lost someone dear to my heart. For all of that to hit one person in one week is enough to drive them to their brink. I somehow stayed afloat. Not without tears. But somehow, without the social lubricant, I could not bring myself to cry. Sometimes it is too hard to cry. It is accepting that something has happened. It is breaking down. Sometimes, you cannot break down because you are someone else's rock. And what good is a rock if it crumbles? But every rock can crumble if pressured enough, and I finally was. I lost it on Saturday, and then again yesterday at Mil's funeral. May he please rest in peace. I am going to enjoy the rest of my spring break, I have decided. I have also decided to get a tattoo with my best friend. Inspired and dedicated partially to the memory of Mil. I am excited for that. Our generation is one of self expression, and I am proud to be a part of it. I think I have written enough for one night.

'til next time, 

XOXO B

Sweet aroma of my 3rd home...

I am sitting in here, and when I say here, I mean in the restaurant in which I work. I seem to never get away. As much as I wanted to make my own dinner tonight and not eat here again, I failed, and crumbled, and came anyways. At least I have the excuse that the internet isn't working at my house. I would say that is a pretty darn decent excuse. I had math homework that needed to be completed on the internet, and therefore I would have ended up here anyway. Yay. As much as people hate work, and as much as it seems to be an inconvenience a lot, I seem to find joy in it. And with my night off, I am doing schoolwork in a lovely corner of this most fantastic restaurant where I work. I suppose work is my little getaway. Anywho, I have a load of homework to do, but I just cannot seem to focus. I just want to sit here and type out my feelings all night. I seriously wonder what it will be like to look back at this blog, if I even remember it, in a few years, and see what I was thinking, or at least try to decipher what my brain was doing when I was writing these blog entries. 

My frustration tonight, as usual with any young girl, is in the boy department. I don't know how badly I hurt one boy, and I don't know how much one knows he hurt me by a subtle action tonight. Stupid, stupid boys. I don't think I will ever understand. 

I finished reading Breaking Dawn, and I must say, it was quite magnificent. I am SO sad it is all finished. :-( Ah well, tis life. 

There are people to be called, a restroom to be visited, and many pages to be read, so without further ado, I must leave.

'til next time, 

XOXO B