It seems like whenever something great happens for me in my life, I get overly excited for it to the point that I ruin it by expecting too much by it. It's like when you are little and have a crush on the "cutest boy" at school. You build up this fantasy about the life that you two will have together when he picks you up on his white horse and carries you off into the distance. But then he doesn't come by horse, he comes by his smelly locker room sneakers and barely asks you out. You say yes, but then he doesn't call, and he doesn't bother to do much of anything but say hi to you everyday. Then you realize that he wasn't this amazing guy, he was really just another one who caught your attention long enough so you could make him up to who you want him to be in your head.
That is where I am at right now. I am listening to Kansas and being all cynical, and you know what? I blame it on the weather. Why? Because it seems to be that whenever it rains, I drown myself in self pity.
Life isn't always what it's cracked up to be. No. It is something that we had no say coming into, and then we are forced to live it. It is made fun by friends, horrible by taxes and bills, loving by family, meaningful by the small traces you leave behind, and forgettable once it is over.
See? All of this disgusting existential bull shit comes out of me when I am feeling blue and surrounded by a wet sky of grey. And I thought that I would feel loads and loads better by writing this out... but no. Not very much so at all. Until it stops raining I think I will be a little under the weather. ha. ha.
'til next time,
xoxo B
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