Thunder and Gray

I haven't felt like this in a long time. "Something tastes different, maybe it's my tongue. Something tastes different, suddenly I'm not so young." I don't know why I am feeling the way that I am or have been for the past day or two. I feel as though sometimes you can't stay at one level forever, you have to change and see things from all different aspects, emotions, views. "'cause I've fallen so far away from the place where I started from..." I sincerely wish that my ups and downs didn't remind me of a thrilling roller coaster that may be fun for the first or second ride, but then makes you sick after a few.

It's an odd thing, to know when you are acting a certain way, but you can't pull yourself out of it. When you can see how the way you are acting is affecting people around you, but then how you can't seem to stop. I feel like it is some sort of illness or something that I cannot mentally escape. I want to feel better, I want to get off of this gloomy, gray cloud, and I know I eventually will; but it's the wait for that to happen that is killing me. That's why I am writing about it, so that maybe me writing down how I feel and what I know will make me calm down and get off of my thunder cloud.

I know that you always take out your feelings on people that you are closest too. But why? Can't we just channel that bad energy at the people who deserve to see us at our worst? Maybe that's it. Maybe we show the people we are closest to who we are at our worst in the hopes that they will still love and care about you when you are out of it. And then a closer bond will be formed, because they have seen you at rock bottom and have held out their hand despite of it. So thank you, to those of you who have been there with me and held out your hand. It's people like you who make me a better person and always show me the light and some guidance when I can barely see past the dark gloom that sometimes encompasses me.