Growing Up.

Growing up is scary. It scares me everyday. I don't know what I want to do, where I want to be, who I want to be. Reviewing all my ideas when I was little earlier with my boyfriend only made me laugh. Even then, I still did not have any concrete clue as to what I wanted to be when I got older. It took me two years of college to decide upon a major, and only after I got through the pre-major courses did I actually enjoy it. Maybe that is what my future job will be like. I will just randomly come across it, and sort of find something interesting in it, and then finally learn to love it. Maybe. I don't think it will just fall into my lap, as I would like it to. No, I think it is something that will come maybe after a few trials and errors. And I think that is what scares me so much about it. I want to know what I want to do, and do it, and have that be that. But can I get that? No.

I honestly have no idea what the future holds, nor do I have any clue what would make me happy. When I think about myself ten years from now, correction, when I TRY to think about myself ten years from now, I see my blonde hair, and maybe some nice clothes, but that is as far as it goes. I don't think we can ever picture ourselves ten years from now. It is almost impossible to correctly assume what the future will hold. I think some people generally love to think about the future, to obsess about it, to try and figure out what will happen. For me, I sit here and find all this change rather frightening, and I want to put it off as much as possible. But then again, I am a hypocrite thinking about how much I can't wait to get away from where I am, to be done with school, and to just move on. I think it's hard for us to ever truly be happy right where we are. Especially in a society like today where we keep itching to get to Tomorrow Land, and see what the next big and better thing will be. Why can't we just focus in on today? I think I just found my peace in where I am at, and the fact that I don't know what tomorrow, or six months from now holds. And I think that that is perfectly fine.

'til next time,

XOXO, B